Governmentium: New Element on Periodic Table

Governmentium: New Element on Periodic Table

In the US, this post might be interpreted as right-wing, because the right is anti-government. For Israel, however, this should be read as a commentary on the bloated nature of governing coalitions, especially the current government that has a record number of ministers and deputy ministers to accommodate its constituent parties. — R. Seliger

This was forwarded (from an email long circulating the Web) by Haifa resident, Zeev Raphael, a retired mechanical engineer who worked at the Technion from 1961 until 2000:

Lawrence Livermore Laboratories has discovered the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A tiny amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years. It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.

This characteristic of moron’s promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates as much energy as Governmentium because it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

By | 2009-08-27T13:28:00-04:00 August 27th, 2009|Blog|2 Comments


  1. Anonymous August 28, 2009 at 4:10 am - Reply

    Zeev Raphael is indeed a very nice fellow whom I had the pleasure of meeting in person last year. A quick Internet search, however, suggests that this is at least seven years ago and is unlikely to have originated in Israel.
    Shabbat Shalom
    Sol Salbe
    Melbourne Australia

  2. Ralph Seliger August 28, 2009 at 2:18 pm - Reply

    This was my confusion. Zeev corrected me this morning in indicating that he got this from the Web. I’ve since corrected the posting to this effect.

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